Something is better than nothing (A partial update)

Hey everyone, I hope you are all safe and have had an enjoyable holiday & new years.

First thing to get out of the way, I’m finally getting out of the toxic work environment that has severely dragged down my morale over the last year. I handed my resignation in last week and will be starting a new job within the next few weeks. I look forward to actually enjoying my free time again, rather than dreading when it ends.

Second thing, the demo. I believe I have tried to accomplish too much, too soon and I’ve clearly failed on delivering that to the public. Mxthe and other Underhell Devs/Voice actors have enjoyed an early version of the demo but there were still a lot of improvements to make. I’ve simply tried to perfect something that I’m clearly not capable of delivering by myself or at my current skill level, so I think the best and most grown up way to handle it is to start cutting myself some slack and saying “here is the best I can do” and then working on making it better later.

I spent a lot of time looking back across failed projects, unfinished mods, level packs etc and It was very depressing to see that I’d always tried to perfect everything – and ended up releasing nothing. I want to change that. It felt like for the last 10 years I had truly not achieved anything note worthy and it was simply because I held myself back, for fear of criticism and that people wouldn’t like what I had to offer.

So, I need a little time to figure out how to publish what I have. I wanted the demo to be enjoyable, surprising and nostalgic – the initial idea was to re-create an entire lengthy portion of Chapter 1. This had to be scaled back a bit as time went on but I feel it’s still a little too much to handle. The reason this quickly got out of control was how late I was to implement a proper save/load feature (as opposed to letting players pick their starting point) which significantly broke parts of the game.

I am planning on working on a new dev video, where I can explain some of the behind the scenes tasks. This will allow me to connect with you guys and walk you through what I’m doing and how. This may take some time so I don’t have an ETA yet. The other idea I have is to try to fix some of the major issues (such as broken AI) and release the updated demo in a best efforts attempt to actually publish something, rather than nothing.

It’s very difficult to spend so much time on something and not want to make it perfect. It is especially difficult when something goes wrong, or someone does not enjoy what has been produced but I feel this is just something that I need to accept as part of putting yourself out there, which applies to a lot of different things other than just game development.

I apologise for the long delay. I’ve been taking some time with family and actually playing some games rather than trying to make them. I don’t often give myself the time for these kind of things so it has been nice to temporarily let go of the weight on my shoulders. I’ve wanted to make this post for such a long time, but my brain keeps trying to avoid it, as if I’m going to make things worse by doing it.

With everything going on, I feel that posts on Twitter/this page will be best going forward. I am not ready to jump back into Discord and start interacting with people as this can quickly become an extra avenue where expectations and promises can creep in. I don’t mean to be rude but sometimes I just feel an extra sense of responsibility when I have to try to manage the fans expectations and deliver them at the same time and I feel it would be best to avoid putting those two things back together at this present moment.

I’m sorry if this is yet another upsetting or frustrating post from me, I do have problems but the human underneath is really trying their best to please you.

Much love

Z3D

Update:

I did a thing! I posted a bit of gameplay video to our YouTube channel. Check it out.

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